Charles Esther
Parenting can feel like a constant test, and sometimes, what seems like a failure ends up being one of the best lessons learned.
For me, this lesson came when I couldn’t help my son with his math homework anymore. What I thought was a failure in my role as a mother turned into an eye-opening realization that shaped the way I approach both parenting and life.
The Start of My Journey as a Parent and Teacher
Growing up, I excelled academically and in extracurriculars, and I believed I would be a great teacher for my kids one day.
When I became a mother, my dream started to come true. For years, I helped my son with his homework, across all subjects, and he was thriving.
I felt proud of the contributions I made to his success, and I was happy to support him in any way I could.
Although I didn’t love math, I could handle basic concepts like fractions, multiplication, and early algebra, and my son understood them well.
When Math Became a Challenge
As my son moved on to secondary school, things began to change.
Math became more complicated, especially when topics like linear equations were introduced. These were concepts I struggled to explain, even though I recognized the problems. I was stuck.
At first, I blamed external factors. Maybe my son wasn’t focusing enough or perhaps his teacher wasn’t explaining it clearly. But deep down, I knew the truth: I wasn’t helping him as I used to.
The Struggle That Led to a Wake-Up Call
A few days later, my son’s test scores reflected the reality. He was struggling with math, but I kept pretending that I could fix it on my own.
I told myself that if I just tried harder and spent more time with him, everything would get better. But despite my efforts, his struggles persisted.
It wasn’t until one evening, when my husband gently pointed out that “your ego is affecting his learning,” that I realized I was doing more harm than good.
At first, I brushed it off, believing that I wasn’t trying to prove anything to anyone. I simply wanted to be the mom who could handle everything. But deep down, I couldn’t shake the feeling that not being able to help meant I wasn’t enough.
The Moment of Clarity: It Wasn’t About Me
My son’s request for a math tutor was a turning point.
Initially, I rejected the idea. I thought he was only asking because his father had suggested it. I was hurt by the request, feeling like I had failed. But soon, I realized that my emotions were clouding my judgment. It wasn’t about me; it was about what my son needed.
After some reflection, I agreed to arrange a demo class with a tutor. Watching the tutor explain a complex math problem to my son with ease and clarity helped me see just how much my son needed a different kind of guidance.
Letting Go of the “Perfect Parent” Idea
Getting a tutor wasn’t just about helping my son with math; it was about me learning to step back.
I had to accept that I couldn’t be everything for my child, and that was OK. Parenting isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about teaching kids how to navigate challenges, ask for help, and admit when they need support.
I also realized that my son’s mind worked differently from mine. He was much faster with numbers than I had ever been. What he needed wasn’t just a mother who cared deeply, but someone who could guide him in a way that suited his unique way of thinking.
Shifting My Perspective: Accepting Help and Teaching My Son to Do the Same
It took me time to accept that being a great parent didn’t mean knowing everything. It meant supporting my child when they needed help, even if that meant letting someone else step in.
It was like if my son wanted to learn boxing, I wouldn’t try to coach him just because I was his mom. Math was no different. I had to recognize that it wasn’t about my ego but about what my son needed to succeed.
Once I accepted that I didn’t have all the answers, everything shifted.
I felt lighter, and so did my son. Now, when he faces difficulties, whether in school, emotions, or life, he knows it’s OK to ask for help. And instead of feeling pressure to solve everything on my own, I reassure him: “Let’s figure it out if we can, or find someone who can help.”
A Parenting Lesson: Letting Go of Perfection
What I thought was a parenting failure turned out to be one of the best lessons I’ve learned. I stopped chasing the idea of being the perfect parent and embraced being a real one.
In the end, it wasn’t about me doing it all—it was about supporting my son’s growth, understanding his needs, and teaching him that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
