Charles Esther
As a former teacher, I have encountered many lies from children over the years.
However, it bothers me much more when my own son lies to me.
I want him to feel safe enough to always tell me the truth.
Why I Prefer Honesty Over Lies
There have been times I caught my son taking his football gloves to school.
This was against both my rule and the school’s rule, and I had told him not to bring them.
When I confronted him, he told me something that was likely untrue — that the gloves had been in his bag before he asked me.
Instead of just being upset that he broke the rule, what bothered me more was that he lied about it.
Whenever he lies, I tell him I would much rather he admit what he did right away.
Dishonesty feels disrespectful, and admitting mistakes shows courage.
If he had been honest from the start, I would have been less upset when I found out.
Using Humor to Handle Lies
One day, I asked my son about a book he was reading for school.
He told me the main character got ringworm on his leg, which was not true — the character actually had hedgehog quills.
It was clear he hadn’t read the last chapter, and instead of admitting it, he quickly made up an answer.
Rather than getting mad, I chose to laugh with him about how unlikely it was to guess the story correctly.
By finding humor in the situation, I helped him see how unnecessary it was to lie.
Recognizing and Encouraging Truthfulness
It is important to acknowledge when my son tells the truth, especially when it is difficult for him.
I can often tell when he’s debating whether to be honest by his hesitation or tone of voice.
Lying not only bothers me, but it can damage his relationships with teachers and friends.
Having been a teacher, I know how lying affects trust and my attitude toward students.
I also talk to him about how it feels when friends lie to him, helping him understand the impact on trust.
Creating a Safe Space for Honesty
I want my son to always feel safe telling me the truth, no matter what.
This means I must model honesty myself, like when he asked if I was really Santa Claus.
As he grows older, the things he might lie about could become more serious.
If he meets every mistake with anger, he won’t feel brave enough to confess.
I remind him that making mistakes is normal, but being brave enough to explain them helps us solve problems together.
For him to come to me for advice or comfort, we both need to be honest, even when the truth is hard.
