David Awoyode
In this week’s edition of For Love & Money, a reader expresses concern that their partner’s impulsive spending habits could one day impact their children’s financial security.
A Relationship of Financial Opposites
The reader explains that they are the primary earner, debt-free, and own the family home. Their partner, however, has little to no equity and a history of credit card debt and impulsive purchases, including an RV, a cottage, an ATV, and now a desire for a boat.
“Because You Never Have to Ask”
While the partner claims he doesn’t directly ask for financial help, the reader acknowledges: “Because you never have to — I do these things for you because we’re a couple.” This, they admit, has created a cycle of support that feels more parental than equal.
The Risk of Always Being the Rescuer
The columnist notes that continually bailing a partner out financially prevents them from learning independence. The advice: allow him to make his own financial decisions — even if they lead to mistakes — while maintaining separate finances.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
The recommendation is for the reader to stop anticipating financial needs and instead only provide help under clear, self-defined boundaries. This shift respects both partners’ differences while keeping the relationship balanced.
Estate Planning as a Safety Net
The reader’s biggest worry lies in the future: ensuring their kids are protected financially if something happens to them. The advice is to seek estate planning guidance, including creating trusts with stipulations to safeguard assets from poor financial decisions by the partner.
Expert Insights on Managing Differences
Financial planner Justin Rush suggests involving a certified financial planner or estate attorney. A third-party professional can help mediate, guide discussions, and establish protective financial structures.
Protecting Love Without Losing Security
The letter highlights the reader’s love and concern for their partner. The columnist emphasizes that love and anxiety often go hand in hand — but with boundaries, planning, and expert support, it’s possible to protect both the partner and the children while easing financial worries.
Charles Esther